Are Your First Impressions Actually Just Assumptions?

I often wonder what people assume about me when they first see me.

Not every second of every day, but enough that I notice it. Before I have said hello, before anyone knows whether I am funny, quiet, tired, sarcastic, interested or completely over the day, there is usually already a small story forming in their mind.

I have often said that the first thing anyone notices about me when I walk into a room is that I did not walk into the room.

People usually laugh at that, and I mean it partly as a joke, but there is a truth in it. The wheelchair is often noticed before I am. It becomes the first detail. The headline. The thing people quietly build the rest of the story around.

Sometimes the assumption is that I need help. Sometimes it is that I am brave. Sometimes it is that life must be sad, difficult or inspiring. Sometimes people become so worried about saying the wrong thing that they stop speaking normally altogether.

I do not think most of this comes from a bad place. Most people are not trying to be rude. In fact, many are trying to be respectful. They are trying to be careful. They are trying not to offend. But even good intentions can still be shaped by assumptions.

That is the part I find interesting.

We like to think our beliefs guide us. And they do, sometimes. But in those quick everyday moments, our assumptions often get there first. They shape how we speak, how we act, who we include, who we avoid, who we underestimate and who we think we understand before they have had a chance to show us anything real.

And this is not just about disability. We do this with everyone.

You see someone dressed well and assume they are confident. You see someone quiet and assume they are shy or uninterested. You see someone loud and assume they are comfortable in themselves. You see someone young and assume they lack experience. You see someone older and assume they are out of touch. You see someone smiling and assume they are fine.

But how often are we right?

How often do we confuse a first impression with insight?

How often do we call something instinct when it might just be an assumption we have not tested?

I ask that knowing I do it too. I have judged people too quickly. I have assumed someone was arrogant when they may have been nervous. I have assumed someone was rude when they may have been overwhelmed. I have assumed someone had everything together when they may have simply been very good at hiding the cracks.

That is the uncomfortable thing about assumptions. They often feel like facts from the inside. They feel obvious. They feel like something we have noticed. But noticing someone is not the same as knowing them.

So maybe the question is not whether we make assumptions. Of course we do. We are human. Our brains are always trying to make quick sense of the world.

The better question is whether we are willing to pause long enough to test them.

Think about someone you saw today. Not someone you had a deep conversation with. Just someone you noticed. Maybe someone at work. Someone in a shop. Someone in traffic. Someone online. Someone who annoyed you. Someone who looked confident. Someone who seemed rude. Someone who looked tired.

What did you assume about them?

Did you assume they were rude, when they may have been anxious?

Did you assume they were lazy, when they may have been exhausted?

Did you assume they were confident, when they may have been performing confidence just to get through the day?

Did you assume they were fine, because it was easier than wondering whether they were not?

This is not about guilt. I am not interested in making people feel bad for being human. We all make quick judgements. We all read people through our own experience, habits and blind spots.

But maybe we can hold those first impressions a little more lightly.

Maybe we can leave enough room for people to surprise us.

Maybe we can admit that the first story we tell ourselves about someone might not be wrong, but it is almost always incomplete.

Every person we meet carries more than we can see. More history. More doubt. More humour. More strength. More fear. More ordinary human mess than a first impression can ever hold.

So notice the assumption, but do not let it become the whole story.

And do not worry, I am not pretending to be above it. I am probably assuming things about you the second I see you as well.

That is human nature.

The difference is whether we let the assumption finish the conversation before the person even gets a chance to begin.